I received my tutor report back from my tutor for Assignment 4 – Contextual Studies. The tutor report is attached to this blog post. The feedback was very detailed and I also received an annotated essay further explaining my tutor’s key points and issues regarding my first draft. Although my tutor felt I was tackling a topical issue, there were many areas he felt I could improve in.
Having read my first draft of my essay again, and in light of the comments, I can see what my tutor means. It is quite confusing to read and backtracks on itself sometimes (especially in Chapter 3). For me it shows I didn’t redraft it enough to make sure it made sense. Furthermore, I definitely didn’t add my own point of view enough and as my tutor says, it reads more like a report. It is worth looking back at it though because there are some interesting points regarding ‘artwashing’ and I can learn from my mistakes.
Another area I could learn from is how to use quotes more appropriately: to back up my own points rather than using them to make points in a list of quotes. I can see in retrospect how this could come across as a lack of my own voice in the essay and once more I agree with my tutor.
Lastly, my essay wasn’t well illustrated in that all the images were pushed to the end of the essay, when there could have been more and they could have been spread out more throughout. I can’t post the essay with images on my blog for copyright reasons but in the next draft copy I send to my tutor, I will use more images and distribute them evenly within the essay.
Overall, even though I was initially a bit disappointed that my first draft wasn’t well received and there were so many areas to develop, it is just a first draft and I can take on board my tutor’s feedback to achieve these improvements.